Happy & Healthy

On the pursuit of Happiness & Healthiness

Posts tagged SURGERY

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So Torn

My second of never ending breast surgeries (bi-lateral Lumpectomy/Partial Mastectomy) is scheduled for May 6th.

My ovarian surgery is scheduled for May 12th. The doctor is super worried about that because it’s been there so long, the shape, the size, the pain. 

I’m super worried about both.

One has to be rescheduled, I can’t have GA twice that close, let alone be cut open in multiple places and increase my risk of infection. 

I’m so torn on what to choose.

Filed under surgery

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TMI for Guys following me

I had a pelvic ultrasound (outer and inner) my at least 10th since August) on March 21st. I picked up my results today to bring to my new Gynecologist tomorrow because FINALLY they’re coming to their fucking senses that this cyst should not have lasted since August, I’m being recommended for an immediate MRI for further findings on what this mass is and of course surgery (which I have been begging for since September!) So hopefully this new Gyno isn’t ignorant and does the surgery and gets it over with.

My new date for my partial mastectomy of my right breast is May 6th and another Lumpectomy on my left breast at the same time. I swear by the time this is over, I will have 17 scars and no breasts, but that’s okay with me because all of this will be over with and the disease will be gone and I cannot wait until I the day I wake up from my complete mastectomy and that feeling of relief I’ll have because right now I feel like I’m in such limbo.

Thanks for all of the prayers, thoughts, and support. You guys keep me strong and fighting. I love you all.

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Tomorrow morning before my Psychiatrist appointment, I’m calling Lawyers and getting advice as my PCP advised me to do, calling my Insurance so they stop paying post op payments to a women that only saw me once - 5 days after my surgery, calling the American Cancer Society to see what options I have in regards to my insurance and getting treatment, then I’m going with my Mom and future Mother in Law to order my dress and book the venue.

I’m done playing games especially with my health. This, all of this, is taking a serious toll on my emotional and physical health.

I refuse to give up and accept this as my fate until I’m told I have no options left.

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It’s a new week which has be excited and anxious. 

I have my appointment with the new breast surgeon, in a top Philly hospital on Wednesday. I’m so nervous about what her options for me will be. I just want these out, hopefully the insurance approval can just be switched over to this surgeon’s practice. 

I had an ultrasound on Friday and Tumor on my right ovary is still there, it’s been almost a year, and nothing is ever getting done. I call my Gyno surgical scheduler all the time. I had one on the left that ruptured on Tuesday, it happened while I was in the car with my fiance. I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans so thankfully I got home fast enough to wash them and not ruin them. The tech saw the fluid around my left ovary confirming this.

Breast cancer and Ovarian cancer go hand in hand, so I’m worried.

I also picked up my records from my surgery on Friday, to find out the doctor (the one I don’t have nice words for on public social media) I signed consent with to do my Lumpectomy, actually didn’t do my lumpectomy. It was some other surgeon I’ve never heard of, I guess an on call emergency surgeon or something. I was wondering why my prescriptions weren’t in the surgeon I consented with’s name, but another doctor I never heard of. Also, I was wondering what the doctor meant by “Well, I was there….” on Tuesday when I had seen her, I thought she meant her time was wasted. Red flags, red flags all around. I wish I saw them sooner, I was just so excited to have my surgery done and get healthier and put this in my past. I obviously don’t know why she didn’t perform my surgery, or what happened in the OR because I was unconscious, but I do remember her and about 8 others being in the OR at the time. 

Oh well, I can put that in my past now, and move on, and try and stay positive. I’ve been having panic attacks daily since my surgery. Constant anxiety, sometimes anger outbursts, or crying, but I’m trying. I’m trying to accept that there’s nothing I can physically do to take my disease out of my body. 

Happy Sunday guys. I’m spending it going to Church, then getting my bed room back together (spring cleaning) :)

Filed under surgery breast cancer awareness breast cancer breast surgery lumpectomy

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Heartbroken

I saw my surgeon today for post-op followup. I thought I had an infection because of the warmth and pain, but apparently I’m healing well & the surgeon was proud of her incision. I was like, the fuck?

My nightmare came true.

She admitted to me that breast cancer and disease isn’t her specialty and she isn’t going to proceed with my mastectomy.

She said the mastectomy was never her idea, but the plastic surgeon’s. It’s pretty fucking pathetic that he was the one that sent me for my Mammogram, Ultrasound, and noticed my disease progressing. It’s fucked up he and she admitted he had to instruct her where to cut me for my mastectomy because she isn’t aware of different incisions. No wonder the plastic surgeon told me weeks ago to “think about it” and give him a call, even though I told him right then and there I wanted this disease out of me, I’m ready. It makes my blood boil that she only had “an hour to an hour and a half” to do a double fucking mastectomy last Wednesday when it took her 1 hour to get a tumor and surrounding tissue out of me.

I wasted the last 6 months of my life with these surgeons. I should of known when they cancelled my January 22nd surgery. I should have known this was too good to be true.

I don’t even care if I don’t have any breasts ever again I want this disease and every fucking tumor out of my body. Fuck reconstruction, fuck the panniculectomy, I want this gone. How can doctors do this to someone? Just let a disease spread throughout their body? They got it fucking approved for fucks sake!

As soon as she told me this I ran out in tears and rapidly called other surgeons. I have two appointments with breast specialists in the city next week - better doctors and better hospitals, please pray that I can get this done and done and approved fast. This isn’t fucking plastic surgery, this is life or death.

If I don’t get approved again I have no idea what I’m going to do. I don’t have the means to get a loan for this surgery and I have shit credit and not a sufficient income at the moment.

I am so terrified.

Filed under surgery

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In so much pain today. I didn’t do shit yesterday besides go to Church, and nothing is helping. I called and I’m going to see my surgeon tomorrow at her other practice. Please pray she schedules my mastectomy. I can’t deal with her being a bitch either like she was on the day of my surgery, I just know this pain is not normal, she really did a fucked up job, if she did my mastectomy with the rush she was in I couldn’t imagine the mess my PS would have to try and clean up, if he could. If it wasn’t for my love for my plastic surgeon and my insurance approval in the practice’s name with those specific doctors, I’d find a new “breast” surgeon to do this.

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I have to find some post mastectomy bras shaped more like my Bali bras (which are shaped like real bras, just feel like sports bras) because these 2 for $10 Fruit of the Loom racer-back bras are putting too much pressure on my cervical spine/winged scapula causing more pain. I can’t wear my Bali bra yet because the underarm would hit right an my incision site, and of course no bra hurts because of gravity, but I’m just going to sit here today and hold my boob because even breathing hurts. At least I made it to Church, I have so much to be thankful for.

I have to find some post mastectomy bras shaped more like my Bali bras (which are shaped like real bras, just feel like sports bras) because these 2 for $10 Fruit of the Loom racer-back bras are putting too much pressure on my cervical spine/winged scapula causing more pain. I can’t wear my Bali bra yet because the underarm would hit right an my incision site, and of course no bra hurts because of gravity, but I’m just going to sit here today and hold my boob because even breathing hurts. At least I made it to Church, I have so much to be thankful for.

Filed under surgery lumpectomy mastectomy

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There’s something wrong with my ovaries again. Dear lord, I’m happy I didn’t get the panniculectomy until further testing. If I need a full hysterectomy I’m going to be truly broken.

I’m upset the surgeon only had “an hour, hour an a half” yelling at everyone to hurry. It took her an hour to get one tumor + the upper outer quadrant of my breast out, I would of ended up with a truly botched mastectomy. I just feel all of the other tumors in my breasts and get more anxiety. I want them all out now. 

I’m scared. I won’t be happy until I know I’m cancer free, not that just one tumor isn’t cancer. Not only breast cancer free, but ovarian cancer as well. They go hand in hand. I’ve been having problems with chronic ovarian cysts since last June. I also have a tumor on my liver. These tumors are showing up everywhere.

Please pray the surgeon’s schedules sync up & they have time for me soon. I don’t see my bitch (saw her true, ugly colors on how she treated the plastic surgeon, nurses, and anesthesia team. I have to play nice until this process is over with) surgeon until the 27th.

This has been going on long enough.

Filed under surgery