Happy & Healthy

On the pursuit of Gains & Fighting Like A Girl, Body Positive

Posts tagged SURGERY

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Today is the first day I haven’t needed my crazy pain med even though my body is weak and pretty sore from working it so hard the past few days, I’m so happy/proud! 

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A couple weeks ago I posted a picture of myself in my body con Spiderman dress, I was having a really body positive day that day.

That day, an Anon asked me why my left breast was smaller than my right. I explained to them about my surgery. I figured they were a new follower, and tried to be Strong. Well, it made me feel like shit. Such shit I’ve lived in sweatshirts since. 

Well, I’m posting today because I realize I’m better than that. I choose Life. I don’t care if I end up with no breast as long as I’m alive. I’m currently awaiting a double mastectomy with reconstruction debatable after a partial mastectomy of my left breast. If people have a problem with this, they can look away. This is reality. My breasts are saggy, partially from weight loss, more so from the fact the 15 tumors between both breasts are very heavy.

My left breast is a lot smaller, but my right is just a huge tumor (as shown) surrounded by a garden of other tumors. My skin has changed on my breasts. You can see even the smallest tumor through my skin due to not having any breast tissue. My nipples leak sometimes. Sometimes they invert. My breasts hurt, a lot.

I’m not doing this for pity or attention, I’m doing this for awareness. If you feel a lump, even if you THINK you feel a lump, or notice other breast changes go to the doctor immediately. Feel your breasts on a regular basis, I’m here if you’re scared, or even if you need someone to talk to. I don’t want to see another women have to deal with this - even though I know it’s not going to change or prevent anything from happening, if caught early, you have a good chance of saving your breasts, or more importantly, saving your life.

I hope this helps just one person, and I’m disappointed at myself for letting some jerk ever bring me down. I’m fighting, and will continue to fight, because I choose life.

*Sorry if this is too graphic for some of you, but I’ve seen A LOT worse on my dashboard such as porn. This is reality, this is my body that I’m battling with*

Filed under breast cancer breast cancer awareness Breast lump breast disease lumpectomy double mastectomy surgery

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Went to the Gym hoping to get my gains on, didn’t make it past 20 minutes on the treadmill without puking from the pain of my ovary. Guess it’s time to be bed ridden again until my surgery. Fuck, man.

Filed under surgery ovary

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I haven’t posted a picture in awhile of my Lumpectomy scar. It’s ~5 weeks (in 3 days) post op. It still hurts, just because it’s still swollen and pressing against the other tumors in my breast. The swelling is supposed to go down in another 1-3 weeks. After I get my double mastectomy, I’m getting my pre-op EKG tattooed over this scar. I can’t wait to put this all behind me. 

I haven’t posted a picture in awhile of my Lumpectomy scar. It’s ~5 weeks (in 3 days) post op. It still hurts, just because it’s still swollen and pressing against the other tumors in my breast. The swelling is supposed to go down in another 1-3 weeks. After I get my double mastectomy, I’m getting my pre-op EKG tattooed over this scar. I can’t wait to put this all behind me. 

Filed under surgery breast cancer breast cancer awareness breast surgery lumpectomy scar

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I always get my Lab results before my doctor’s. It is a Saturday of a Holiday weekend and I just got this. I usually get these e-mails at 3am, haha.  

I always get my Lab results before my doctor’s. It is a Saturday of a Holiday weekend and I just got this. I usually get these e-mails at 3am, haha.  

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So Torn

My second of never ending breast surgeries (bi-lateral Lumpectomy/Partial Mastectomy) is scheduled for May 6th.

My ovarian surgery is scheduled for May 12th. The doctor is super worried about that because it’s been there so long, the shape, the size, the pain. 

I’m super worried about both.

One has to be rescheduled, I can’t have GA twice that close, let alone be cut open in multiple places and increase my risk of infection. 

I’m so torn on what to choose.

Filed under surgery

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TMI for Guys following me

I had a pelvic ultrasound (outer and inner) my at least 10th since August) on March 21st. I picked up my results today to bring to my new Gynecologist tomorrow because FINALLY they’re coming to their fucking senses that this cyst should not have lasted since August, I’m being recommended for an immediate MRI for further findings on what this mass is and of course surgery (which I have been begging for since September!) So hopefully this new Gyno isn’t ignorant and does the surgery and gets it over with.

My new date for my partial mastectomy of my right breast is May 6th and another Lumpectomy on my left breast at the same time. I swear by the time this is over, I will have 17 scars and no breasts, but that’s okay with me because all of this will be over with and the disease will be gone and I cannot wait until I the day I wake up from my complete mastectomy and that feeling of relief I’ll have because right now I feel like I’m in such limbo.

Thanks for all of the prayers, thoughts, and support. You guys keep me strong and fighting. I love you all.

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Tomorrow morning before my Psychiatrist appointment, I’m calling Lawyers and getting advice as my PCP advised me to do, calling my Insurance so they stop paying post op payments to a women that only saw me once - 5 days after my surgery, calling the American Cancer Society to see what options I have in regards to my insurance and getting treatment, then I’m going with my Mom and future Mother in Law to order my dress and book the venue.

I’m done playing games especially with my health. This, all of this, is taking a serious toll on my emotional and physical health.

I refuse to give up and accept this as my fate until I’m told I have no options left.

Filed under surgery