On Wednesday I had my cardiac clearance, my EKG came out great and I was cleared for surgery. Friday I had my pre-admission testing at the hospital which lasted about two hours.
I was told I have the medial record of a 65 year old, which is just fabulous to hear. I was told absolutely no hair removal 5 days before surgery, which I’m cheating at because I’m completely obsessive with shaving everyday, I couldn’t imagine having hair legs, arms, armpits, or a pussy (yeah, I’m vulgar) for not only 5 days prior, but months until I can do it again (it will be my Fiance’s job)
I haven’t been working out, but I need to tonight so I can get this stress out, of course I need a nap first.
I’m in severe manic/panic mode about my surgery. I’m not scared of the pain, I’m scared of the anesthesia and complications.
I’m not in a good place mentally, I wish my Grandma were here and healthy, she understood me. I miss her so much.
I’m not doing well at all mentally - not at all, I wish I had time to go away as planned, but I guess that’s not in the plans for me right now, or in the near future.
I went to Red Lobster with my family today. 3 days before my Grandma passed, she “kicked me out” and told my Fiance to take me to Red Lobster and get a nice juicy steak, lobster, and mashed potatoes with gravy. I had lobster, wings, and fries.
I just hope somewhere in me I find the strength to get through Wednesday, and my body fights, because I want to find happiness and live a good life. I feel like I’m not ready, but I don’t think I’d ever be truly ready, or be getting it done if it was elective. I just want this nightmare to end and to move on with my life.
I’ll try to keep you guys updated more, I just can’t be on too long because I don’t want to see pictures of hot bodies and nice tits, but I get message notifications by e-mail.
Thank you guys for all of the support, I appreciate it, truly.
This dress is going to look fucking amazing (more than it already does) with gummy bear tits and no more skin!
Fanny Pack Ordered, Maxi Skirts Ordered, Hair Dyed, Post Op Bras Bought, Big Zip Up Hoodies to hide my Drains ready to go. Purrfecf lanyards so I can attempt to shower, now all I need is compression socks, a shower stool & more pillows! #LastMinuter
Lord, one pound away from my ultimate, ultimate goal #RightTiming
Much darker Ging since I won’t be able to dye it for months, can’t wait to see it in the sun … & my favorite boy’s (yes, a child’s) $1 vintage hoodie ♥
Because I’m tired of my e-mail getting blown up with notifications:
1. Yes, I am still getting surgery. It’s in 6 days.
2. Yes, I’m staying off Tumblr for Lent, most likely during my full recovery - which could be months (I’m talking well into Fall) depending how the surgery goes - if my body allows for immediate reconstruction or if I need tissue expansions. I’m tired of people being ignorant and thinking I’m getting a boob job, No, I’m not that lucky, I’m not choosing my Fate, that was chosen for me. I’m losing a HUGE part of myself in less than a week. 1. I don’t need thin, fit girls thrown in my face that are healthy and able to work out. I will fucking starve myself during recovery - yes, my eating disorder is easily triggered when I don’t have control over anything else in my life (like right now). 2. I don’t need women with huge tits thrown in my face while I have nothing but flaps of skin, scars, bruises, and no nipples.
3. No, I’m not posting Scar/Recovery Progression.
4. No, I’m not emotionally okay. I’m not going to be for a long time. But obviously right now, I don’t have time to take care of myself in that way.
5. I will post updates to my Give Forward Page (can’t leave Anonymous Hate there) which is here: http://gfwd.at/1ixMQoQ and my Instagram which is kristepa and you will be blocked/deleted if you leave any form of negativity there.
Thank you for all of the continued support, love, thoughts and prayers.